Forgive Yourself

How is it that we cannot resist occasionally revisiting, reopening the wounds, reapplying the lotions of self-loathing and guilt?

Memories are encased in the pain of remembering. By nature, we want somehow to punish ourselves for an event that we cannot control. In the newness of grief, we begin the habit of remorseful guilt, which can easily turn to self-hate.

Regardless of any past event, when a loved one dies, it is important to forgive yourself for anything you believe you did. Unresolved guilt, whether justified or not, can lead to dysfunctional grieving. Even if you believe you didn’t do anything right, don’t let your guilt interfere with your grieving. You don’t need to feel guilty, but you do need to grieve and allow your memories to be warmth for your heart.

The Seasons of Your Grief

Seconds become minutes; minutes become hours; hours become days; days become months and months become years; so goes the passing of time.

New grief is like the seconds…ever so slowly turning into the pain of the minutes and hours that you remember with your loved one. Eventually, the hours of painful loneliness turn into days of recalling those yesterdays together.

Sooner than you realize, the days become months and the months, years. Your pain of loss has become part of your life; your memories, part of each moment.

The seasons of your grief become a reality as you smile through your tears… remembering moments in time as you turn the pages in your album of life.

I Never Imagined Things Would Change

Everything around me as a small child was comfort to me. The grade school years brought no threats to my safe and secure environment. High school offered more challenges, but my life and surroundings were intact. The warm summer sun was shining on all that I knew and life was good. It was a time of forever.

I never imagined things would change, but change they did: subtle at first, then more noticeable with each month…with each year. My parents are gone, then my two brothers, one by one; then, recently, I lost my son. You wake up one morning and the elderly image in the mirror provides a jolt of reality to your nostalgic mind.

For the young, be aware that life passes with the swiftness of a mountain stream, but it is only in looking back that you notice. Everything and everyone you see won’t always be there. With each passing day, things change. The lesson here for all is to make every moment of the journey count and the younger you begin, the better.

Memories

It is fall and the temperatures are beginning to decline and stay there. Soon, the snow will cover the ground, making hot chocolate taste even better. With a warm, crackling fire to cozy up to, memories lay soft upon one’s heart.

Memories do not necessarily require the above setting. They return to us in any setting, especially one that is familiar to the memory. Sometimes, we are ready for the memories, sometimes we are not.

The loss of a loved one is an unwelcome, but real part of life. The loss cannot be changed by trying to suppress memories. The grieving process is dependent upon memories for the adjustments that we need to make in order to go on. The memories we have are all we have left. Without them, we would have nothing.

“May your memories linger always”

Time

fall-leavesThe ticking of a clock in a quiet room reminds me of the constancy of time. Time does not wait for you. Time cannot be stopped, be stored away, be changed, be re-done. The time given to each one is unknown. Each second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year…becomes a lifetime. The time is yours…use it wisely.