We Make Grieving Harder

Grieving is hard enough when someone we love dies, without making it harder. We don’t really know how much more grief we bring upon ourselves, but we do.

We do it by buying into guilt and regret. Both are negatives and both are waiting right there to provide even greater pain than we should normally feel when we lose someone close. It is so easy to buy into one or both, yet so hard to bear.

Now and then, there may be a genuine need for one or the other, but in most all situations, it is unnecessary. We bring it upon ourselves and once we do, it can take most of a lifetime to be free of it. The best move is not to buy into either one.

It isn’t easy to stay away from them, but stay away we must. No one is perfect. We make mistakes. We leave things undone…unsaid. We are imperfect, but that is not a reason for feeling guilty or regretting, for it is useless and unnecessary self-punishment that we inflict upon ourselves.

Let it go…forgive yourself and let it go. Lay it down and walk away. Do  it today and tomorrow and every day after until it’s done. Give yourself permission to feel good about “you” and live your life. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.


3 responses to “We Make Grieving Harder

  1. Thank you once again, Bonnie, for the comfort and help that you give. It helps me every time.
    Blessings ~ Maxi

  2. I think I will be sending this to a friend who suffers from severe survivors guilt. She managed to defeat childhood cancer while many of her friends did not. She wonders all the time, “why me?” I pointed out to her that she’ll never find out the answer to that if she keeps hiding from life instead of living it…but I think you said it better.

  3. I really made grieving harder for myself. I felt so much guilt and regret after my mom died. Slowly, things got better. But it was a long road. Take care

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