Yesterday Cannot be Changed

(an excerpt from “A Hole in My Heart”…a work in progress.)

Memories of yesterdays are precious to our hearts. Often, memories are bitter-sweet and difficult to recall. We tend to focus on the bitter side of things and create much heartache for ourselves. Yesterday cannot be changed, it can only be accepted.

I have memories of my son, Jon, that are bitter-sweet. The tears I shed are tears of regret. I have gone most of my life regretting and blaming myself for not doing things different…for not knowing what to do…for not getting it right.

Hindsight is so clear, but the reality of the moment is all that I had. Looking back, I know I could have made better memories. Unfortunately, that is not how it works. You do with what you have and what you know at the time. I was young and trying to figure it out. I knew nothing about most everything.

I am learning to forgive myself. I am learning to let go of regret. If any of this is relative to your memories, I hope you will forgive yourself. It is hard to admit we are not perfect; that we do not have all the answers. It is very hard to look back and accept the bitter with the sweet. That is what we must do, for we cannot change it.

Copyright © Bonnie Dean All Rights Reserved


5 responses to “Yesterday Cannot be Changed

  1. I, too, have regrets as memories. Healing has come as I have learned to forgive myself, forgive them and choose to think about the sweeter memories and learn from my mistakes so I won’t have those regrets with the love ones I still have here with me. And I pray for forgiveness and healing in the relationships I have with those still here. I say I am sorry whenever needed so bitter memories won’t be what my love ones have when I am gone.

  2. Beautiful writing Bonnie. Very heartfelt. Guilt and regret were my biggest challenges to overcome after my mom died. For awhile, they overshadowed the raw pain and grief from losing her. Thanks for sharing.

  3. This is beautifully articulated, Bonnie. The part about accepting the yesterday that I cannot change struck a chord with me. May God bless you to finish your book.

  4. I know your pain and your tears. “A Hole in My Heart” is a book I hope to finish…a work in progress. God bless you and keep you.

  5. I too shed tears of regret. In my sons short life I wish I had taken more time to enjoy him (he was my sixth child and we were in the middle of renovating half of our first floor in our home). He died in his crib, which I know that I could have prevented had I known he was in distress (his neck became caught).

    I also know that God had numbered his days before he was even conceived and that somehow his life was complete at 17 months of age.

    Still brings me to tears, but time does make it softer at times.

    Thanks for this post. Are you writing a book called “A Whole in My Heart”?

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