A question from a reader…
“How is it that we cannot resist occasionally revisiting, reopening the wounds, reapplying the lotions of self-loathing and guilt?”
Memories are encased in the pain of remembering. By nature, we want somehow to punish ourselves for an event that we cannot control. In the newness of grief, we begin the habit of remorseful guilt, which can easily turn to self-hate.
Regardless of any past event, when a loved one dies, it is important to forgive yourself for anything you believe you did. Unresolved guilt, whether justified or not, can lead to dysfunctional grieving. Even if you believe you didn’t do anything right, don’t let your guilt interfere with your grieving. You don’t need to feel guilty, but you do need to grieve and allow your memories to be warmth for your heart.