Forgive Yourself

How is it that we cannot resist occasionally revisiting, reopening the wounds, reapplying the lotions of self-loathing and guilt?

Memories are encased in the pain of remembering. By nature, we want somehow to punish ourselves for an event that we cannot control. In the newness of grief, we begin the habit of remorseful guilt, which can easily turn to self-hate.

Regardless of any past event, when a loved one dies, it is important to forgive yourself for anything you believe you did. Unresolved guilt, whether justified or not, can lead to dysfunctional grieving. Even if you believe you didn’t do anything right, don’t let your guilt interfere with your grieving. You don’t need to feel guilty, but you do need to grieve and allow your memories to be warmth for your heart.


2 responses to “Forgive Yourself

  1. I totally agree that you need to forgive yourself, but I have found that I have to want to forgive myself (or others). Until we want to we won’t. Sadly, we find comfort in holding onto the guilt. We need to realize where our true Comfort will come from and turn to Him.

  2. Well said, Bonnie. I talk to “Bear” all the time, tell him I am so sorry for my David’s suffering, but have no regrets about our life. The grief is still raw because I miss my David so much.

    I talked to my friend Elaine the other day. She is Roger’s wife and still so grateful to have her memory bear.

    Her friend, who has Chuck’s Bear, sleeps with her memory bear every night.

    Our Memory Bears mean the world to us. You have given us a treasure that can never be replaced.


    blessings to you and butch ~ maxi

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