Grief is Personal

In this life, everyone will grieve; some more than others and some deeper than others. Nevertheless, everyone will be touched by grief. There is no escape.

For each of us, grieving will be personal. No one else will grieve exactly the way you do, nor someone else. As love is personal, so, too, is grief.

Your grief is yours. No one else can feel your pain, your sense of loss as you do. Grieve as you need to and allow others the same. Grief is personal.

The Comfort of a Memory Bear

DSCN1672Until you actually hold a Memory Bear, you will not experience the comfort it brings. Recently, I was talking with a mother who lost a son. I certainly could relate having also lost a son. We talked about getting through each day as best we could…the holidays being the hardest. We spoke of our grief…our pain.

I handed her a memory bear that I  have made from my husband’s favorite sweatshirt (pictured). She held the bear and shared how comforting it was. She could only imagine if the bear was made from her son’s clothing, how she could close her eyes and hold and hug the memory of her son each day…each night.

Our tendency is to hug, but hugging thin air does nothing for us. That’s where a memory bear comes in. They are 22 inches tall and soft for hugging. Their therapeutic value is beyond words for how do you put a lifetime of love into words…how do you express your feelings in a sentence or two. Only when you hold and hug your memory bear does the comfort begin.

Remembering An Anniversary

When someone we love passes away from our presence, all that we have left are the memories. The calendar takes on a whole new meaning as we recall a birthday, an anniversary, a special moment in their life. The moment we wish weren’t there is the anniversary of their death. Today is that day for us.

Jon n Tracey 2006 - Copy1a

Five years ago, our son, Jon, passed away, a victim of cancer. He was 45. Our grieving is more settled now, but the fact that he is no longer here weighs just as heavy on our hearts and minds.

For each memory we are grateful. For having known him, we are thankful. Jon is at rest now from his illness and the cares of this life. He may not be here as we would like him to be, but he is in our hearts and minds and will always be. We can walk on the back roads of our memory anytime and relive our moments…our memories…our life with our son, Jon.

Always With Us

When someone dies, the event is often referred to as a loss. In a sense this is true as their physical presence is no longer with us. We can no longer see or hear them…we cannot touch them and hold them close. Their physical presence is lost to us, but they are always with us in our hearts and our memories. In this way, we never lose them. In this way, they are always with us.

Regrets and Guilt

Regrets and guilt can weigh you down. Unless you are perfect, it is easy to find something to regret or feel guilty about. If you carry these weights around, what will it prove, what will it change? You did your best, that’s all you can do. In looking back, you think you could have done more?

On Monday, everyone thinks they could have won the game on Sunday. Easy to say, but the reality is, “They did their best at the time.”Game over. Leave the regrets and guilt on the field. Let yourself off the hook; find yourself “not guilty.” Move on with living; that’s what they would want you to do.

Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. for My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)